Don’t Worry About What Others Think of You

by Sadhguru

Sheung Shui, hong kong

Lucy’s words:

I’m a bit bothered by other’s behaviours these days and I feel quite insecure. And I hope Sadhguru’s words could give you some inspiration and hope.

If you are worried about what someone is going to think about you, you will not do anything in life.

First of all, do you really know what is happening behind your back? Or do you only imagine what could be happening? Stop imagining. If someone is thinking something about you, it is their problem, not yours. Their thoughts are their problem. Let them think whatever they want.

Do you think you are that interesting that everyone is thinking about you all the time? And if no one is thinking about you, that is utter freedom. Why are you thinking through what they may be thinking? It is not necessary. Just focus on what you want to do. Let others think whatever they want. Maybe they have nothing better to think about, so they are thinking about you. It is largely in your imagination that someone is always thinking about you. 

Most people are busy with their own problems. They are not thinking about you, and that is fine. It does not matter if someone is thinking about us. Do not worry about other people. You cannot fix what they are thinking. So, why bother about it?

Leave their psychological problems to them. Do not try to solve them. They can think whatever nonsense they want. Why should it affect who you are? If you think you are okay, it is fine. If others think you are not, it is their problem. 

If you are worried about what someone is going to think about you, you will not do anything in life. You can never get everyone’s approval to do what you want to do. So, do not worry about that. Just focus on what you want to do.

為什麼凡事要人陪？因為你到現在，都還沒有真正愛上你自己。

雪倫

instagram’s pier

前天晚上和朋友約好要去看電影模仿遊戲，但她臨時加班，只好改期，但我已經到了影城，為了不浪費車子的油，我就直接選了別部片看，結束後散場出來時，剛好遇到了公司新來的女同事和她男朋友，她看了我身旁沒有人後，用著比不見中兩百萬發票還要遺憾的聲音問了我一句。

「妳自己一個人來看嗎？」

我點了點頭後，她馬上露出很同情我的眼神，那眼神就像我在餵我家附近流浪狗吃飯時，會露出的眼神，然後對我說，「那妳要不要跟我們去吃宵夜？麻辣鍋？」不了，我很感謝她的邀請，但她的眼神，可能會讓我胃食道逆流。

隔天中午吃飯的時候，她突然問了我一句，「XX姐，妳不覺得自己去看電影很可怕嗎？」我好奇的問她為什麼，她說，「我覺得自己去看電影很奇怪，不覺得別人都在看妳為什麼自己一個人嗎？而且自己一個人都不知道眼神要放在哪裡！」

第一、如果我貌美如花，我才需要擔心別人都在看我，但我不是如花，更不是志玲姐姐，別人不會有興趣多看我兩眼，OK，就算覺得我臉臭多看我兩眼，在心裡碎唸我在跩什麼，我也無所謂啊～我就長這樣嘛！

第二、眼神要放在哪裡？妳想放在哪裡就放在哪裡，通常我包裡都會隨身帶本書，要是覺得拿書出來看太假掰，就拿你的手機出來滑，基本上我想新同事太多慮了，現在大家的眼神都嘛放在自己手機上，真的沒有人會看你，你也不用擔心眼神不知道要放哪。

來跟我說三次，智慧型手機萬歲。

接著她又繼續問我，「妳會自己一個人去吃飯嗎？」我點頭，「妳也會自己一個人去買逛街？」我點頭，「妳也會自己一個去玩嗎？」我又點頭，她每問一個問題，我就點一次頭，她的表情就越震驚，本來想要再嚇嚇她，告訴她，我還會自己一個人洗澡、自己一個人睡覺、自己一個人跟狗說話、自己一個人在房間開演唱會、自己一個人去掛急診，喔～最重要的是，我還會自己一個呼吸。

但我怕她如果被我嚇死的話，我會變成殺人兇手，我不想被抓去關，就算我棺材已經進了三分之一點七九八，我還是覺得我有大好將來，所以只能把這些話配著我嘴裡的乾麵吞進來，對她笑一笑，不知道該說什麼。

「天啊～妳好強，我真的沒辦法，我寧願不要去看電影，外帶回家吃，上網買東西，我就是沒有辦法自己一個人出門。」她的語氣是真心覺的我很強、我很厲害、我很了不起，搞的我好想要幫她簽個名，再用力給她一個擁抱，賦予她當我粉絲會員俱樂部會長的權利，俱樂部名字就叫做，自己一個人也能上好菜（因為我最近對下廚非常有興趣）。

但我怕她沒時間，所以沒有對她熱情的邀約，只好把話題轉回來問她，「可是，為什麼一定要人陪？」

她覺得自己一個人出去很奇怪，但我覺得有人陪才能出門更奇怪，我們又不是皇帝他娘出門要帶隨從，也不是韓流明星要配幾個保鑣，為什麼一定要有人陪才能去做想做的事？

她想了很久，「因為有人陪，感覺比較不害怕。」

可是，親愛的，台灣治安也沒有那麼差，為什麼要害怕自己一個人出門？

好，我知道她不是這個意思，但我想說的只有一件事，當你不習慣自己一個人出門，當你不習慣自己一個人面對世界，當你需要有人陪才有勇氣行動的話，你是不是就這樣錯過了很多時間，還有很多機會？

那些可以看到更多美麗人生風景的機會。

以前唸書的時候，女生很愛約一起上廁所，那時候，我也很愛，下課就是先問同學，「要不要一起去上廁所？」「要不要一起去買便當？」然後享受一群人嘰嘰喳喳的一起走過來，一起走過去。

妳吃排骨麵？好，那我們一起吃排骨麵。妳要穿球鞋？好，那明天我們一起穿球鞋，做什麼都要一起，吃東西也要一起，因為一起的感覺，有安定、有依靠，所以喜歡做什麼都一起。

後來開始工作，「一起」的對象，變成同期進來的同事，或是正在交往的戀人，但是同期的同事不會陪你一起被老闆罵，他也有自己的工作量，也沒辦法陪你一起應付客戶，你開始得要明白孤軍奮戰才是職場生涯的固定狀態。

原以為談了戀愛，有了另一半，人生好像就會開始平步青雲，不會有大風大浪，因為你天真的認為另一半，就是你的天、你的地、你的後盾、你的肩膀，我初戀的時候，真的覺得有了男朋友，就可以什麼都不用怕。

但當我開始了解戀愛的模樣後，那些天真就正在慢慢的瓦解，另一半也是一個平凡的人，他也有他生活的難題和挫折，你依靠他外，也要調整自己，讓自己成為一個可以依靠的人，他也沒有辦法二十四小時陪你，你仍然有獨自一人的時候，你依舊得要去面對自己一個人去做任何事的現實。

自己，永遠都是要先面對的一道牆。

別人的陪伴，只是你人生過程中，把回憶點綴到更美好的其中一小部分，但你不願意面對人生裡最大部分的自己，害怕自己陪伴自己，只能退一步等待別人的陪伴，很可惜的，你失去了面對自己最好的機會。

勇氣是需要學習的，到現在，我也一直在努力。

記得很久之前，大夥說要一起出國旅行，但大家時間總是喬不攏，喬了一個多月後，哪都沒有去，隔天我可能還在宿醉，就上網買了張到香港的機票，那個週末自己出去玩了三天，那時年紀小，是我第一次自己出國玩，坐上飛機的時候，有一點點害怕，但到了之後，就是抱著豁出去的心情，發了瘋的玩，才知道自己一個人旅行的快樂在哪裡。

那次旅行是讓我覺得最驕傲的一次，不是因為我大買特買多少特價品到箱子裝不下，也不是在那裡認識了幾個剛好也去自由行的新加坡朋友，是我自己又挑戰了自己一次，成功後衍生出來的自信，是一直陪著我到現在，是我最好的朋友，而且永遠不會消失，隨時都在。

自信不是你有多漂亮，你有多少錢，你穿了多高貴，是打從你心底出來，自己可以相信自己的那一股力量，才叫做自信。

就像我發現可以自己補牆壁的時候，就會覺得我連粉刷都沒有問題，當你能完成第一件事後，就會相信自己能完成第二件，試著去做一件自己從沒有從做過的事（我是指好事OK？不是試著抽菸、吃檳榔、劈腿、外遇、打架…），當你完成之後，你真的會忍不住愛上自己。

而當你真的愛上自己的時候，根本就不會去在乎別人的眼光。

就不會覺得自己一個人去吃飯好奇怪，自己一個人去看電影好奇怪，自己一個人去旅行好奇怪，自己一個人永遠是最不奇怪的狀態，因為你一天二十四小時，面對自己的時間，永遠比別人的陪伴還要多。

為什麼凡事要人陪？

因為你到現在，都還沒有真正愛上你自己。有人陪當然很好，但沒有人陪的時候，請勇敢的陪伴你自己，帶著你自己去做更多想做的事，你會發現，自己的陪伴，才是最安心的。

What’s Helped Me Get Out of My Head and Do Things That Scare Me

By Matt Hattersley

“Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen.” ~Unknown

I knew it was coming.

But as I sat there on the first day of the seminar, my stomach still did a little turn when the trainer announced the exercise we’d be doing over our lunch break:

The dreaded pizza walk!

I knew this was the trainer’s wry (but equally as unnerving) riposte to Tony Robbins’ famous fire walks. But right then, I would have much rather taken my chances with the coals.

The idea is simple: Go into a shop, restaurant, or other public establishment and make an absurd and bold request, i.e.: walk into a hardware store and ask for a pizza.

Easy? Maybe.

As we broke for dinner there was lots of nervous chatter amongst the trainees, but I chose not to engage with the others. I wanted to get out there and face these pizza demons as soon as possible.

Now, the aim of the exercise on one level seemed obvious: to teach us to be more forthright, in businesses, in our relationships, in life.

The bolder the requests we make, the less ridiculous they’ll seem, and the easier it will be to make other bold requests. Thus we can go home and feel more comfortable speaking our truth, asking for what we want, and generally showing up in life more confidently.

Or so I thought. Because what I actually learned from this exercise was much more powerful.

After leaving the building where we’d been, I walked down the main street, which was in fact theBaker Street.

So, as I passed Sherlock’s ‘house’ and the eager tourists queuing outside, I began looking around for my target.

There were a few souvenir shops I could pick. A Subway restaurant (of course!), a few bars, but nothing that really took my fancy.

(Or rather, if I’m honest, I knew I had an hour to do this and it all felt too edgy and I wanted to put it off as long as possible.)

So I ducked into a Nando’s Restaurant and had some chicken. (Oh, the irony!)

As I ate my half Piri Piri chicken (medium-hot with rice, if you’re interested), I contemplated my task.

It felt silly to be so up in my head and nervous about this simple, innocuous exercise.

What was the worst that would happen? Perhaps a bemused stare from the shop worker at best.

So why was I shaking just thinking about it?

If you’re thinking I’m being daft and wussy as you read this, I encourage you to try this for yourself. It’s not as easy as it seems. In fact, making that bold request can feel pretty scary.

But then again, is that really true?

Because the insight I had next changed a lot of things for me.

You see, I realized that what the trainer actually wanted us to learn from this experience was something completely different from my original notion.

As the clock ticked away and I saw that we were due back in ten minutes, I knew it was now or never. I had to make my absurd request. I had to do the pizza walk.

I also knew that I had to just get it done, to stop waiting to feel ready and just get to it. Action was key.

So as I passed the next shop, a newsagent, I went in. I strolled up to the counter, looked the guy straight in the eyes, and, poker-faced, said:

“Can I have a cheeseburger and large fries please?”

And it was weird.

My immediate feeling in that moment was actually one of real elation. I felt dizzy but happy, like I’d just nervously jumped out of a plane and now found that my parachute had opened and I could enjoy the float to earth.

Of course, the man behind the counter didn’t appear to be experiencing any of this. He just looked a little confused and taken aback.

Yet I also felt there was something else present in him. Compassion maybe? Concern?

I’d jarred us both out of our day-to-day reality and allowed us to be supremely present with each other. We connected on a deeper level.

In that moment, we dropped out of being on autopilot and a more profound interaction could take place.

(Again, I’m not sure that the man behind the counter assessed it all this way, but I felt it!)

Next he kind of stuttered something about having some sandwiches in the chiller, and I was suddenly overcome with warmth toward him—that even in this bizarre situation he was trying to help this strange man at his counter.

From nowhere I heard myself say:

“It doesn’t matter about the cheeseburger actually. I’ll have a Lotto scratchcard, but can you make sure it’s the winning one?”

I was having fun now. Still totally present and enjoying this interaction.

Thankfully. I think my new friend was beginning to enjoy it too, as he play acted choosing the right scratchcard, which he assured me was the winning one.

I thanked him, paid, and left. As I stepped outside onto that cold February afternoon I saw something I’d not truly, insight-fully seen up to now.

You see, I’d spent the last hour stuck in my head worrying about this event.

I’d been living in an imagined future where the event went really bad, where I felt silly, where I was ridiculed. And these thoughts had made me really fearful of making this silly request. My confidence had dropped and it had almost stopped me from taking part.

But what actually happened was that when I did make the request I was truly in the moment. I was living in real life, not in my imagination about what this might look like.

And more importantly, in the moment I was so much more resilient, confident, creative, and connected than I’d given myself credit for. So much so that I forgot all about that imagined reality and just lived in actual reality.

This insight was massive for me because that’s how we can all be, quite a lot of the time.

This is how we can show up with our careers, in our relationships, in life.

We get so stuck in our thinking that we can almost talk ourselves out of doing things we want to do.

We second-guess ourselves, we make stuff up about what people might think about us, and then we sit with those thoughts and go over and over them until they start to look real. In that process we always underestimate our resilience and our moment-to-moment creativity.

What I really saw that day was that it’s never the future event we fear. It’s only ever our thinking about that future event.

And if it’s just our own thinking—and not the imagined, self-created ‘event’—then why do we give it so much attention?

I see now that there have been loads of times in the past when I’ve worried and stressed about things, only for them to be fine, even enjoyable when they actually happened.

I’m sure you’ve got lots of examples you can recall right now as you think about your own life.

The more we can explore this and shine a light on what’s going on, the more grounded and confident we become.

What would it mean to you if you could use all this anxious energy for good use?

What would it mean if you could quickly drop out of worrying about future events and stay present?

Let’s be clear here, we are only ever able to do anything right now, in this moment. When we live in that scary future world we have no power. We don’t exist there except in our thinking.

By exploring this deeper, I know it’s allowed me to be calmer, more confident, and more productive in my work. A better human being even.

I don’t take things so personally any more. I don’t spend needless hours and days worrying about what might happen.

I stay more in the moment, which means when I’m at work I’m no longer in my head wondering if people will want to hire me, or what they think of me, or if I’m going to be able to get them the results they want. When I’m with friends and loved ones I’m not living in my thinking about what’s going on; I’m enjoying being present and in the now with them.

This frees up my attention to really listen to what they’re saying, to connect with them on a deeper level. And in doing so I can have so much more impact than if I was trying to second-guess the situation or worrying about what will happen next.

How do you stay more present?

Remind yourself that, no matter how real the future event looks in your mind, your feelings don’t indicate anything about the outcome of that event; they are just a response to your thoughts in that moment.

Your feelings have no idea what will happen in the future.

Like me, you might just find that what, in your imagination, seems really scary is actually incredibly liberating and enjoyable when it actually happens.

So next time you catch yourself stuck in your head, simply take a moment to step back and notice where your attention is.

Is it in your thinking, or in life?

In asking yourself this you’ll automatically drop back into life, where you have everything you need to really connect with the person in front of you.

And if you were wondering, it wasn’t the winning scatchcard.

You can’t win ’em all!